I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
