he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
