Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
