god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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