The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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