My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
