he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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