she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
