I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
