was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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