So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
