i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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