This is not my ceiling
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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