I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
