She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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