then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone came in the potted fern
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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