btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
