dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need moral support for this bender
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
