Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
