hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
