I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
