You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
