Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
