Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
