Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
