Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
