people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
