Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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