I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
