i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
