if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
