Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
