i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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