Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just cropdusted the office
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
