its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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