Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
