I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
