we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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