my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
