officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
