she looked like the before picture.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
