We won't sleep together?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
