This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
