just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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