This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
