He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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