just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
