She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
