living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
