I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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