Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
