The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
