I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
