Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
