i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
