worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
