How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
