I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
