Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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