just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
