how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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