Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
