he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
