you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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