Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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