do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
