i permit you to call me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
