Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
