We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
