You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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