I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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