3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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