I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
